A NIGHT OUT AT SOLIHULL ICE RINK
WHAT A GREAT IDEA WE ALL THOUGHT, WE SPOKE ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS AND THE MORE WE SPOKE ABOUT IT THE MORE PEOPLE BECAME INTERESTED. I USED TO DO THE BARREL ROLE, I USED TO DO SPEED SKATING, I USED TO HELP CLEAN THE ICE, I COULD SPRAY THE CLOCK WITH ICE, ETC ETC, THESE WHERE JUST SOME OF THE COMMENTS THAT I HEARD LEADING UP TO THE EVENING OF THE 29TH JAN. YEAH!, WE HAD ALL BEEN TO THE ICE RINK AT SOME STAGE IN OUR LIVES BUT MOST OF US ARE TO OLD TO REMEMBER THAT FAR BACK. SO WHAT!!! WE COULD DO IT THEN SO WE CAN DO IT NOW, WHAT COULD BE EASIER, JUST STRAP ON A PAIR OF SPACK BOOTS AND AWAY WE GO......
WIDE YOUNG NURSE TENDS TO CHRIS
7.00pm. AND MOST OF US WERE ALREADY THERE ON THE CAR PARK HAVING A LAST FAG BEFORE WE WENT IN AND YOU COULD STILL HEAR IT, I WAS IN THE BARONS, I CAN DO BACK FLIPS AND I USED TO PUKE UP IN THE FROG & NIGHT GOWN, GOD I THOUGHT, WITH ALL THESE WICKED SKATERS WE COULD START OUR OWN ICE HOCKEY TEAM, NO PROBLEM....
THE ZAMBONI WHEELCHAIR.
7.15pm. AND WE WERE IN, SHIT NO FROG AND NIGHT GOWN, HOW`RE WE SUPPOSED TO GET A BEER? DONT WORRY THEY HAVE MOVED THE BAR TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RINK, THANK GOD FOR THAT, PROBLEM IS ITS NOT OPEN ON A TUESDAY NIGHT, OK I`LL JUST HAVE A CAN OF TANGO...
JOHN LOOKS ON, LAUGHING INSIDE.
7.20pm. LETS GET SOME SPACK BOOTS, HANG ON A MINUTE THESE AINT THE SPACK BOOTS I REMEMBER, THE OLD ONES USED TO BE SHITTY OLD BROWN LEATHER THINGS WITH FIGURE SKATE BLADES THAT HAD NEVER BEEN SHARPENED, THEY WERE ALL FALLING APART, STUNK OF A THOUSAND PEOPLES TOE JAM AND WERE FULL OF BITS OF FLUFF AND TOE NAILS. NOT ANYMORE, THE NEW ONES ARE BLUE PLASTIC THINGS WITH HOCKEY BLADES AND ADJUSTABLE CLAMPS INSTEAD OF LACES, THEY EVEN OFFERED A BIT OF ANKLE SUPPORT AND YOU NO LONGER HAD TO WEAR LONGER TROUSERS TO HIDE YOUR EMBARASSMENT AT WEARING THE OLD SPACK BOOTS. GOD HOW THIS PLACE HAD CHANGED...
BASTARDS CUT UP MY HARLEY SHIRT UP.
7.30pm. NOW THAT PRACTISE HAD FINISHED FOR THE HOCKEY TEAM AND AFTER WATCHING THEM FOR TEN MINUTES I WAS CONVINCED THAT WE COULD HAVE KICKED THERE ARSES, NOW GET OFF THE ICE YA BUMS AND LET THE REAL SKATERS ON. THE BARRIERS OPENED AND THIS WAS IT, WHAT WE HAD BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO FOR TWO WEEKS WAS HERE, WE WERE ON.
NEW BOB SKATES FOR NEXT TIME
7.31pm. IT WAS THEN I REALISED THAT A LOT MORE HAD CHANGED THAN JUST THE ICE RINK ITSELF. YEAH YOU GOT IT, WE HAD!!! WAS THE ICE ALWAYS THIS SLIPPY? DID OUR LEGS ALWAYS WOBBLE LIKE THIS? DID IT TAKE US TEN MINUTES TO GET ROUND ONCE? DID WE ALL USED TO GO ROUND WITH THE LOOK OF FEAR ON OUR BOAT RACES? AND AS WE FLEW ROUND DID WE USED TO GET OVERTAKEN BY A MOONING TEN YEAR OLD (CHEEKY LITTLE SHITE) OH YES, THINGS HAD CERTAINLY CHANGED.
GURNING ON THE GURNEY
7.45pm. BY NOW WE HAD REALISED THAT WE WERE ALL A LITTLE OUT OF PRACTICE AND IT WOULD TAKE US AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR TO GET BACK TO BEING THE WIZARDS OF THE ICE THAT WE ONCE WERE, THEN CAME A LATE ARRIVAL, DADO & SUE, NOW HE IS THE OLDEST OUT OF ALL OF US AND A CERTAINTY TO GO FLAT ON HIS FACE AS SOON AS HE HIT THE ICE. CAMERA AT THE READY TO CAPTURE THE MOMENT I WAITED WITH BAITED BREATH. ON HE WENT AND DID HE FALL OVER....... NO! HE JUST SKATED OFF INTO THE SUNSET LIKE CHRISTOPHER FREEKIN DEAN, SMART ARSE BASTARD!!!!.
GAS & AIR FOR POOR OLD CHRIS
8.15pm. OK NOW I MUST SAY THAT SOME OF US WRE GETTING BACK TO OUR OLD WAYS AND WE STARTED MOVING ROUND THE RINK LIKE WE COULD IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS, WELL IT FELT PRETTY FAST! BUT STILL THE LITTLE SHITS SKATED PAST US WITH EASE, SHOULD I GIVE ONE OF THEM AN ELBOW IN THE FACE AS THEY WENT BY I THOUGHT, NO I WOULD PROBABLY GOB IT IF I TRIED.
8.30pm. NOW WE WERE STARTING TO HAVE A BIT OF FUN, ONE GUY WAS IN THE CORNER DOING BARREL ROLES AND WE JUST STOOD AND WATCHED, AT ONE STAGE I THOUGHT PANTS WAS GOING TO CHALLENGE HIM BUT I THINK MARIE WOULD HAVE STOOD A BETTER CHANCE. LEE WAS GOING ROUND LIKE A GOOD UN AND CONSIDERING HE HAD NOT SKATED BEFORE, HE DID PRETTY WELL. MARK WAS PICKING UP A BIT OF SPEED ALMOST TO THE POINT THAT HIS BEARD NEARLY PARTED IN THE MIDDLE AND FLEW BEHIND HIM LIKE THE RED BARONS SILK SCARF. I OVER HEARD A YOUNG CHILD UPON SEEING MARK ASK HER MOM "IS THIS PLACE HAUNTED"? BIT HARSH I THOUGHT. YOUNG JAYMIE AND MARK WERE FLYING ROUND WHILE JIM JUST TRIED TO LOOK GOOD IN FRONT OF THE YOUNG TOTTY THAT WERE SECRETLY LAUGHING AT HIM. MARKY`S SKINNY LITTLE SHAKING LEGS LOOKED LIKE THEY COULD SNAP AT ANY MOMENT AS HE FLEW ROUND THE ICE AT ABOUT 2MPH. ALL THE LITTLE KIDS ENJOYED SKATING ROUND JOHN THINKING THAT A ISLAND HAD BEEN INSTALLED AT THE RINK. DAWN WAS STILL FLUSHED AT SEEING THE YOUNG BOYS BOTTOM. MANDY STOOD AND SPOKE TO AN OLD YOUNG ANNETTE FOR AN HOUR. BUFFY SAT WATCHING CHRIS FALL OVER FOR AN HOUR. AS FOR MARIE, WELL SHE JUST GIGGLED FOR AN HOUR AS SHE WATCHED THE KIDS SKATE ROUND THE ISLAND. I MANAGED TO MAKE IT ROUND TWICE BEFORE I HAD TO STOP FOR A BREATHER, NOT THE RINK, JOHN.
CAN YOU SPOT THE DENT?
WELL JUST THEN IT HAPPENED, JOHN FINALLY FLIPPED, ENRAGED AT BEING USED AS PLAY THING BY ME AND THE YOUNG CHILDREN HE DECIDED TO TAKE HIS ANGER OUT ON CHRIS, HE SKATED UP BEHIND HIM AND WITHOUT WARNING, PUSHED HIM AS HARD AS HE COULD, AS CHRIS STRUGGLED TO KEEP HIS BALANCE JOHN THEN ELBOWED HIM IN THE SIDE OF THE HEAD, SENDING HIM CRASHING TO TO ICE WITH A SICKENING CRACK THAT ECHOED ROUND THE ICE RINK. WITHIN SECONDS THE ICE RINK MEDICAL STAFF WERE ON THE ICE TENDING TO CHRIS OR WAS THAT TEN MINUTES, I THINK THEY MUST HAVE BEEN SORTING SOMEBODY ELSE OUT (AT SILVER BLADES) THEY RUSHED CHRIS OFF THE ICE IN A SPECIAL ZAMBONI WHEELCHAIR AND I MUST SAY IT WAS PROBABLY THE FASTEST HE HAD GONE ON THE ICE ALL NIGHT. AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR AND MUCH PISS & PICTURE TAKING THE AMBULANCE WHISKED CHRIS OFF TO HEARTLANDS HOSPITAL. THERE WAS NOTHING MORE WE COULD DO SO WE THOUGHT THE HARVEY WAS THE BEST OPTION, WE REALLY WERE IN MUCH NEED OF SOME BEER AND WE CAME THIRD IN THE QUIZ...
NICE CLEAN BREAK
CHRIS MADE IT TO THE PUB ABOUT 1am AND HE WAS ALREADY PLASTERED FROM THE ELBOW UP, AFTER TURNING TEN DIFFERENT SHADES OF PALE AND HALF A LAGER, IT ALL GOT A BIT MUCH FOR HIM, THE MORPHINE AND BEER SENT HIM RUNNING FOR THE FIRE EXIT WHERE HE FOUND A NICE BIG PLANT POT TO PUKE IN. HE ADMITTED DEFEAT AND DECIDED TO CALL IT A DAY. WE WOULD HAVE GIVE HIM A LIFT HOME BUT WE WERE ALL WAY TO PISSED.....
MR NASTY KITTING UP TO TAKE CHRIS OUT
IF ANYBODY IS INTERESTED IN JOINING US ON OUR NEXT ADVENTURE, BASE JUMPING FROM THE ROTUNDA, YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME, JUST ASK ONE OF THE STAFF FOR DETAILS......